Thursday, March 19, 2009

How You Know You're a Bad Golfer

Alfred, Lord Tennyson famously wrote that "In the spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love". I can vouch for that...I was a young man, once.

Being a bit older now, as spring approaches I find my thoughts lightly turning to thoughts!

There is a whole list of parallels between the two (love and golf, that is) - the cost involved, the way you start out as a novice and maybe get better at it - depending on your tolerance for embarrassment, the seemingly endless potential for heartbreak punctuated by moments of joy...but that's an analysis for another day. Today I want to focus on the half of that pair that I'll admit to being bad at - yes, golf again!

Here are 10 of the ways I know I'm a bad golfer. If you're honest (a stretch here, since most golfers, like lovers, like to embellish their accomplishments), you'll probably conclude that you're a bad golfer, too.

  1. My handicap is not a numeric score, it's the way I swing the club.

  2. I believe that mulligans, like praise for children and puppies, should be dispensed frequently.

  3. I get the scorecards and little pencils because I like to collect the little pencils.

  4. Tallying my score on any given hole may require counting the digits on both hands, and at least one foot.

  5. I don't know what to do with a 3-iron, but my foot wedge always gets a workout.

  6. Starting a round with less than a dozen balls is risky business.

  7. A confession: I have occasionally pocketed a range ball, knowing that I'll give it back before I reach the 18th tee.

  8. I never met a water hazard that I didn't like...or miss.

  9. "Shaping a shot" is a fantasy I entertain occasionally, like breaking 100...ok, like breaking 120.

  10. The one or two perfect shots that happen unexpectedly during every round are just enough to keep me coming back for more. A bad golfer is an eternal optimist.

Here's maybe the be best thing about golf: Like love, even if you're bad at it, it's still fun!